Pat Barden Jewelry

by Pat Barden
(Spencertown, NY)

Long story short - which I just deleted, cuz I was rambling - two years after my son died, I realized I couldn't stand the set allotment of time working around people.

I held it together - like no one could believe, back to work within ten days - I had no choice.

I held it together, but man, after a while, listening to people and what they were "going" through - I just found meself wanting to say - "I've got a dead kid, are you kidding me with this dumb story?" I bartend, cannot be a doin' that, eh?

I'm 44, been seemingly making the jewelry and bartending for forever, but I guess, I've been making the jewelry since I was 19, and the bartending came in when I was about maybe 25.

I'd wear the jewelry, people loved it, I'd replicate for them what I was wearing, they'd buy it. Occasionally so - it was extra cash, and I love doing it. But that set time, when people knew where I was, bartending, and they were used to a good listener - and I'm fun, funny, I say wicked things and people are amazed, and shocked, and love it.

But it wasn't in me anymore to care iffing anyone else was having a bad day. I wanted to make drinks, and be left alone.

So, the jewelry had to be it. No grand realization of tossing meself into creativity to eaze the pain. It's financial - I can at least attempt to make a living, without having to be in a set place, at a set time, having to deal with others.

I make pretty things, I always have. I used to do it as a hobby, cuz it made me happy.

Now I have to do it to try to make a living, but I still love it. And that is what saves me.

I struggle, it isn't easy, hours of posting, listing, researching - and making the jewelry. But, I have me own thoughts as I do it all, no one else's stories of what they "suffer" through each day, just my mind, my thoughts, and my daughter's thoughts.

I miss my son. The beads and the chain and the pliers and the jump rings don't take up space in me head - I do it without having to think of anything but what I want.

And when I'm making something, and my Emily has a story to tell, I can drop what I'm doing - and she has my full attention - cuz making it through another day and making certain she makes it past the age twenty-two is all that I want to think about.

Pat Barden
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